Meet Ann Mildred, The MUBS Girl With Ugandan Juice

We hate people who complain, we seriously hate whiners. Because we’ve never profiled a MUBS girl under our famous biography sections, the MUBS dudes and dudettes have been complaining. We’ve been handling gazillions of messages abusing us in all forms, asking why we are abandoning the talent that lies hidden at MUBS. We are also human; we also get tired of being abused. We’ve spent the whole of last month searching for a girl worthy of recognition of the platform. We are glad to announce, we found her after too much searching, in the Valley courts and in the Akamwesi rooms, yes that girl is none other than Ann Mildred.

According to Greek Mythology, Ann Mildred is the girl who invented Ugandan Juice. Had she not existed, we wouldn’t have a term such as Ugandan Juice. But what is that Ugandan Juice in this case? Whereas German juice refers to the big booties, Ugandan Juice actually refers to the most succulent of boobs. And that is Ann Mildred’s niche. In the bed of Procrustes, Ann Mildred would fit perfectly. Procrustes had a bed where he always adjusted the legs of his visitors so they could fit. If a visitor was tall, Procrustes would hammer the legs and crush them, on the other hand, if the legs were short, Procrustes would try his level best to stretch them.

But in the eyes of Procrustes, Ann Mildred is the perfect perfection. But who is she? What is her life like? When you think of the dark chocolate skin tone, then you are thinking of Ann Mildred, she brings a whole new meaning of the term dark beauty. She doesn’t struggle to shine, she’s a shining serpent.

She was nurtured on the summit of Mugwanya Hill. That is, she went through Mugwanya Summit College. Rumour has it that while there, Mildred only had to say a word and her will would be done. She’s the girl whose Ugandan Juice commanded the marks to grant her what she desired. If she desired an A, she simply whispered to the marks, summoned them and they would implement her plans.

The Climax was when she joined Makerere University Business School (MUBS). In her first semester, the dudes in her class would rather have a retake but have a minute with Mildred. Once the male lecturers spotted her, none of them ever thought of dodging lecturers. There was even a perpetual dodger, some mysterious student who was allergic to lectures yet on learning that there was Ann Mildred in his class, he put a halt to his dodging spree.

For those few that she adds to her Facebook friend list, they send tons of thanksgiving messages. Because only those worthy of her love, only those she accepts ever have a chance to take a glimpse into her sweet life. It is a public secret that once added as a friend, one must prostrate before her timeline altar with a message; “thanks for the add Mildred.”

At UCU for example, students have put up a huge sum of money betting on who will be the first to drink of Ann Mildred’s juice. Over 100 male students are participating in the contest, and at the end of the 100 days, the winner will be announced.

Analysts have always wondered why her birthday is in December, but the puzzle to that question has been solved. The reason Ann Mildred was born in December was to signify the fact that she was a messiah in her own right. She’s the girl who saved the deserts of MUBS, the civilization of Nakawa from the gallows of extinction and collapse. As the Saviour was born to save the world, so was Ann Mildred born to save the male race from hungering and thirsting. She is the way, the german juice, the Ugandan juice and the light at the end of the tunnel. For whoever drinks of her Ugandan Juice, shall thirst no more. That is Ann Mildred for you. As her adage goes; “anything can be possible if you believe.” We would like to tell every dude reading this; anyone can drink of her juice if he believes.


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